Bed time is the absolute worst time in this household. It can take HOURS to get to bed. Last night it was over 1 hour and 15 minutes before ethan finally gave out. After getting cashews. Zonked right out.
screaming, kicking, pushing.
last night after giving ethan a hug he pushed me to the ground and screamed, NO! in my face.
we're working through another book to help with problems. im hoping eventually i can keep my calm most days. some days it's still so hard.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
when you feel like crying...
Today we went out to do some Christmas shopping for secret santa gifts, a small gift for Daddy for Christmas and to get ethan a new llama book and a nookbook card for andrew and I. When we made it to Barnes and Noble I was pleased to see they had a train table for ethan to play with while I was looking for a book that wasn't avaliable on nook.
I should have known this was going to cause trouble, but I didn't think too hard because it was making my shopping a bit easier. I let Ethan play for a bit, warned him he had two minutes until we were leaving and then said, "Ok, time to go get lunch!" (he was hungry and thirsty before we got there...). Total, epic, awful, otherworldly meltdown. He kicked, screamed, hit, pushed, ran away, cried, etc etc etc. In the middle of Barnes and Noble. Everyone started staring, glaring, sighing, rolling their eyes. I put down the things we had picked out (no way am I waiting in line) and we make our way to the car.
As I am trying to get ethan in his carseat (he's resisting something fierce) a woman comes to get in her car. She hears Ethan screaming, sees him kicking, looks right at me and ROLLS HER EYES! I am so mad. I've tried every method. I say i'm sorry to ethan, explain to him what he's feeling (Sad, upset, etc) and that I know it's hard to leave, but we have other things we need to do.
This woman is judging something she knows nothing about and I'm about to burst into tears. how dare she judge me! how dare she roll her eyes at my child! but you know what? oh well. I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
I should have known this was going to cause trouble, but I didn't think too hard because it was making my shopping a bit easier. I let Ethan play for a bit, warned him he had two minutes until we were leaving and then said, "Ok, time to go get lunch!" (he was hungry and thirsty before we got there...). Total, epic, awful, otherworldly meltdown. He kicked, screamed, hit, pushed, ran away, cried, etc etc etc. In the middle of Barnes and Noble. Everyone started staring, glaring, sighing, rolling their eyes. I put down the things we had picked out (no way am I waiting in line) and we make our way to the car.
As I am trying to get ethan in his carseat (he's resisting something fierce) a woman comes to get in her car. She hears Ethan screaming, sees him kicking, looks right at me and ROLLS HER EYES! I am so mad. I've tried every method. I say i'm sorry to ethan, explain to him what he's feeling (Sad, upset, etc) and that I know it's hard to leave, but we have other things we need to do.
This woman is judging something she knows nothing about and I'm about to burst into tears. how dare she judge me! how dare she roll her eyes at my child! but you know what? oh well. I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
And an update on Kellan...
Kellan is getting so big! He's doing things at a slower pace than Ethan did (thank goodness!) but it's so amazing to watch him grow. He's pulling up and cruising a little. Sitting up. Army crawling everywhere. He says mama. He has started trying to wave. He's a pretty calm child for the most part. But he loves to get into stuff too. He adores his older brother. He loves when Andrew gets home from work. He loves seeing me after I get home from class. He's so loving.
Just figured out...
One of the things about having a spirited child is that it will either be a really good day or a really bad day. no in between. Usually how the day starts tells me which it will be, but there are some other factors that come into play.
How many potty accidents directly correlates to the mood Ethan is in. I've finally figured out that Ethan, on bad days, is no intentionally not making it to the potty on time or "getting back at us". He simply gets too distracted with the details on those days. He can't pull himself away from a puzzle, then he runs to the bathroom. He opens the door, turns on the light, shuts the door, then tries to get off his pants. And usually by that point, he ends up peeing on the floor.
How he treats Kellan. He gets in Kellan's face. He pushes him down. He gets possessive of toys, food, crayons, etc.
How he treats me. He yells, kicks, screams, is contrary on normally "non-issue" items. Throws things (including toys, chairs, food, etc) when told no or told something that he doesn't want.
Today is one of those days. I will have to fight to keep him from getting too intense (an active problem we are trying to work on). If he gets too intense, he will meltdown. A meltdown for Ethan is different than most toddler meltdowns I've seen. It will last at least 20 minutes, but can last until nap time (in which case, he will wake up screaming or in a horrible mood). This includes screaming at everything, getting destructive, getting violent, uncontrolled bowel movements occasionally. Nothing will make him happy until he decides or he can calm down.
We're muddling through this and it seems to be helping. He did a puzzle today (today is a bad day) and didn't get too frustrated to continue. I'm seeing some improvements every day.
How many potty accidents directly correlates to the mood Ethan is in. I've finally figured out that Ethan, on bad days, is no intentionally not making it to the potty on time or "getting back at us". He simply gets too distracted with the details on those days. He can't pull himself away from a puzzle, then he runs to the bathroom. He opens the door, turns on the light, shuts the door, then tries to get off his pants. And usually by that point, he ends up peeing on the floor.
How he treats Kellan. He gets in Kellan's face. He pushes him down. He gets possessive of toys, food, crayons, etc.
How he treats me. He yells, kicks, screams, is contrary on normally "non-issue" items. Throws things (including toys, chairs, food, etc) when told no or told something that he doesn't want.
Today is one of those days. I will have to fight to keep him from getting too intense (an active problem we are trying to work on). If he gets too intense, he will meltdown. A meltdown for Ethan is different than most toddler meltdowns I've seen. It will last at least 20 minutes, but can last until nap time (in which case, he will wake up screaming or in a horrible mood). This includes screaming at everything, getting destructive, getting violent, uncontrolled bowel movements occasionally. Nothing will make him happy until he decides or he can calm down.
We're muddling through this and it seems to be helping. He did a puzzle today (today is a bad day) and didn't get too frustrated to continue. I'm seeing some improvements every day.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Reasons why you should never take a spirited child...ANYWHERE
We had our first doctor visit since Kellan has been out of the bucket seat and Ethan being potty trained, that also coincided with having to wait in the waiting room. Normally our pediatrician gets us right in to a room and then I can let the boys play, etc. They were particularly busy (start of cold/flu season I'm sure) and so we had to wait. First I had to pay. Ethan behaved. Then he had to go potty. Had to trudge all the way down the hall only to hear "NO POTTY NO POTTY!" and screaming and fit throwing. then more fit throwing when he realized we weren't just going to leave.
Back to the office. Now another family is in the waiting room. I sit down. I sit kellan down. Ethan walks out the door. I run after him (leaving kellan for literally 4 seconds). Bring Ethan back. Other mom gives me weird look. Ethan plays for a bit, then starts getting "fussy". He walks back out the door (why doesn't this door LOCK?). I pick up kellan and follow, try to coerce him back in the office. He kicks and cries. We go back in. Other family is now glaring. I'm embarrassed on one level, but on another I'm thinking "WHAT THE HECK, have you never had a two year old, this is normal two year old behavior...at least I think it is..."
Ethan says he has to go potty again. I start to get up and then we're called to a room. He starts begging and whining to go potty when we get in there, but am I really going to give up our place in "line" for this. So I bust out a diaper and ask him to go in one. Then he hides behind the chairs unless i drag him out for the rest of the appointment.
It seems like when I take both boys by myself somewhere, 9 times out of 10 it is a disaster. I know it's mostly just being a two year old, but he's so big that it's hard to make other people understand that he's only two.
Back to the office. Now another family is in the waiting room. I sit down. I sit kellan down. Ethan walks out the door. I run after him (leaving kellan for literally 4 seconds). Bring Ethan back. Other mom gives me weird look. Ethan plays for a bit, then starts getting "fussy". He walks back out the door (why doesn't this door LOCK?). I pick up kellan and follow, try to coerce him back in the office. He kicks and cries. We go back in. Other family is now glaring. I'm embarrassed on one level, but on another I'm thinking "WHAT THE HECK, have you never had a two year old, this is normal two year old behavior...at least I think it is..."
Ethan says he has to go potty again. I start to get up and then we're called to a room. He starts begging and whining to go potty when we get in there, but am I really going to give up our place in "line" for this. So I bust out a diaper and ask him to go in one. Then he hides behind the chairs unless i drag him out for the rest of the appointment.
It seems like when I take both boys by myself somewhere, 9 times out of 10 it is a disaster. I know it's mostly just being a two year old, but he's so big that it's hard to make other people understand that he's only two.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Another week finished...
We've finished another week of being parents. Of being parents of a spirited child. Of trying to re-learn everything we once knew. It's both easy and hard. it's easy to love a child. it's easy on good days to like a child. it's impossible to remember both those things during the horrible moments. Ethan kicked and hit Kellan this week (a new thing). He's also started the typical (I'll do it myself thing) two's- three's issues. We set a plan to work on his intense behavior, which can range from "no's" (normal), to screaming and kicking and crying and wetting our pants because we don't want to put socks on (not normal).
Some of the techniques are working, some are not. We're working on catching the escalation earlier so we can do these things before we have a meltdown.
Hilarious story (for all the rest of you, not so much for me). Ethan likes the snow princess episode of Dora and randomly noticed that we have a snowman ornament that stays on our shelf year round (give to us by a family friend to celebrate Ethan's birth...it's breakable). He wanted it. He needed it. SNOW MAN SNOW MAN SNOW MAN! Fit. screaming. tears. and he wouldn't let it go. so we got in the car in search of a new snowman! We went to Dollar Tree (the kid has way too many toys as it is, i'm not buying an expensive snowman on a whim), however, none of those snowmen were good enough. *sigh* So after daddy got off work, we went to walmart and found one. And now he could care less.
*sigh*
Some of the techniques are working, some are not. We're working on catching the escalation earlier so we can do these things before we have a meltdown.
Hilarious story (for all the rest of you, not so much for me). Ethan likes the snow princess episode of Dora and randomly noticed that we have a snowman ornament that stays on our shelf year round (give to us by a family friend to celebrate Ethan's birth...it's breakable). He wanted it. He needed it. SNOW MAN SNOW MAN SNOW MAN! Fit. screaming. tears. and he wouldn't let it go. so we got in the car in search of a new snowman! We went to Dollar Tree (the kid has way too many toys as it is, i'm not buying an expensive snowman on a whim), however, none of those snowmen were good enough. *sigh* So after daddy got off work, we went to walmart and found one. And now he could care less.
*sigh*
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The beginning of something different
Today has been a bad day. As good as yesterday was. As fulfilling and loving and wonderful and perfect as yesterday was. Today is the opposite. He wakes up early, while we try to drag out of bed, he doesn't want yogurt, he wants chicken. He doesn't want daddy to dress him, he wants mommy. Where's Olli? He naps shorts today. Has multiple accidents (accident free yesterday!) and seems determined to find every activity that he's not supposed to do. Mommy's doing homework, let's through the books across the room.
As I sit here in tears, I can't help feeling like a terrible parent. Today is better though, I haven't yelled or gotten angry, just felt frustrated and confused.
Life with a spirited child. I thought for sure there was something wrong with him. Ethan has always been a roller coaster of emotions. Cries loud with real tears, belly laughs, squeals in delight. He cannot be diverted from a task that he wants to do or convinced to do something he doesn't want to do. He remembers details of the world that I have no hope of remembering myself. (Saturday we went to the zoo and he remembered the hawk we had seen in the tree the last time we were at the zoo, he didn't know why the hawk wasn't there anymore)
He gives the biggest sweetest hugs to the people he knows, but doesn't like meeting new people. Trunk or treat was a nightmare. There are so many aspects of his life that I thought were "just being a toddler" that aren't. Yes, he has some typical toddler behavior, but there is a lot of things that aren't. He constantly moves, even in his sleep. Always has. Even as a baby he would cry for hours in his room if you let him. There was no "crying it out" for him. If he decided he wanted milk, he would cry until he got it.
I've started reading up about things to expect and things to do and it seems to help. I spotted that today was going to be a bad day this morning. I tried hard to make it not be, but Ethan didn't get the memo.
I would never try to explain away bad behavior (hitting is never ok), but I will explain to you why he reacts in such away (squeals over exciting things). I'm hoping to use this blog to write about the trials and triumphs we see over time. It's like meeting my child again for the first time. He's new and different and not just trying to annoy me or be stubborn.
As I sit here in tears, I can't help feeling like a terrible parent. Today is better though, I haven't yelled or gotten angry, just felt frustrated and confused.
Life with a spirited child. I thought for sure there was something wrong with him. Ethan has always been a roller coaster of emotions. Cries loud with real tears, belly laughs, squeals in delight. He cannot be diverted from a task that he wants to do or convinced to do something he doesn't want to do. He remembers details of the world that I have no hope of remembering myself. (Saturday we went to the zoo and he remembered the hawk we had seen in the tree the last time we were at the zoo, he didn't know why the hawk wasn't there anymore)
He gives the biggest sweetest hugs to the people he knows, but doesn't like meeting new people. Trunk or treat was a nightmare. There are so many aspects of his life that I thought were "just being a toddler" that aren't. Yes, he has some typical toddler behavior, but there is a lot of things that aren't. He constantly moves, even in his sleep. Always has. Even as a baby he would cry for hours in his room if you let him. There was no "crying it out" for him. If he decided he wanted milk, he would cry until he got it.
I've started reading up about things to expect and things to do and it seems to help. I spotted that today was going to be a bad day this morning. I tried hard to make it not be, but Ethan didn't get the memo.
I would never try to explain away bad behavior (hitting is never ok), but I will explain to you why he reacts in such away (squeals over exciting things). I'm hoping to use this blog to write about the trials and triumphs we see over time. It's like meeting my child again for the first time. He's new and different and not just trying to annoy me or be stubborn.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
:)
Life with two is full of challenges and incredibly heartfelt moments. I'm so full of love these days that I feel like my heart could burst at any moment. Having two babies (yes, ethan will always be my baby) is such a joy.
now, if i could just get ethan to stay healthy and not have some crazy disease (HFM, roseolla, recurring ear infections, milk intolerance, PLC, etc etc) and have kellan outgrow his reflux. and win about $20,000 (see i'm not greedy) then life would be just about perfect.
now, if i could just get ethan to stay healthy and not have some crazy disease (HFM, roseolla, recurring ear infections, milk intolerance, PLC, etc etc) and have kellan outgrow his reflux. and win about $20,000 (see i'm not greedy) then life would be just about perfect.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The big change!
I'm amazed. Life is so different when you are breastfeeding straight from the tap! 1. I always get the cuddles. no matter what! 2. it makes leaving the house so much easier. no planning around eating time. 3. it makes me feel more connected with both my children. there is more quiet time with both of them. 4. it makes me feel needed! 5. it forces me to sit back and rest and take care of myself so that i can take care of my boys.
Monday, April 18, 2011
The story of Kellan
Got into bed on Wednesday night (March 9th) about 11:30 and had been having contractions on and off all day. I decided to lay down to try and sleep through them. I put on my hypnobabies track to try to fall asleep, I made it to the relaxation part and felt weird movement in my belly, then he kicked my bladder. At first, I thought I'd peed myself, i started to get up and said to andrew, "either I peed myself or my water broke...(and then i started gushing) yeah...my water just broke." It went everywhere, it was gross. We headed to hospital about an hour later and met Jamie there.
My nurse (kippy..yes, her name really was kippy) was a jerk, she insisted I get an IV and then after an hour of monitoring insisted that we start pitocin. She wouldn't let me get out of bed to labor and was eventually the reason that I had to get internal monitors. I started the pitocin at about 4-5am. Got the internal monitors about 8am (my doc placed them and she was PISSED at the hospital/staff).
At about 11am they had upped the pitocin considerably but contractions wouldn't stay consisitent, however, they were awful. I couldn't bring myself to labor out of bed at that point. We still laughed and joked between contractions and were still feeling positive...until they checked me. ONly 2-3 centimeters...same as when I got there. The upped the pitocin again.
I was moaning/yelling/crying through contractions and yelling NO when they started. I asked them to check me (about 1) and said if I wasn't progressing, I wanted the epi....i was still at a 2-3. SO we got the epi, which was a ray of freaking sunshine when you're having off the chart contractions 2 minutes apart. Jamie was freaking amazing with all her techniques we tried before that to decrease pain and get focused. So we continued upping the pitiocin and then got checked about 3 or 4. I was at 5 centimeters (loose) so we felt there was some improvement. I maxed out on the pitocin allowed for VBAC patients, but still wasn't having consistent contractions.
At 7pm they checked me again, still a 5. So, we called the doc. At 8pm doc called me back, told me this was not normal for labor, I should have progressed more. Asked me if I'd consent to a repeat c-section. No one ever made me feel bad for my decision or that it wasn't a choice. So, doc came in, we got prepped for surgery.
Went into the OR and I was feeling pretty good because I trusted Dr. M so much more than the past doc. They got started and I couldn't calm down, had to have anxiety medicine. K was born at 9:16pm weighing 8lbs 3oz and 21 1/4 inches long. Doc stopped and let me look my fill at him before they took him across the room. His apgars were 9 and 9.
At this point, I was convinced that I could feel pain (it was likely just hard pressure) so they gave me more pain meds. Andrew came and sat with K next to me. Surgery went really quick and we were back to the room with Jamie. They took out my epi quickly and then I was allowed to nurse K. He ate on both sides and then I got to watch his first bath. No family came to visit until the next morning so we had the whole night to get to know him. I feel amazing. Feel confident about my birth. People always seem so sad for me, but I'm not.
My nurse (kippy..yes, her name really was kippy) was a jerk, she insisted I get an IV and then after an hour of monitoring insisted that we start pitocin. She wouldn't let me get out of bed to labor and was eventually the reason that I had to get internal monitors. I started the pitocin at about 4-5am. Got the internal monitors about 8am (my doc placed them and she was PISSED at the hospital/staff).
At about 11am they had upped the pitocin considerably but contractions wouldn't stay consisitent, however, they were awful. I couldn't bring myself to labor out of bed at that point. We still laughed and joked between contractions and were still feeling positive...until they checked me. ONly 2-3 centimeters...same as when I got there. The upped the pitocin again.
I was moaning/yelling/crying through contractions and yelling NO when they started. I asked them to check me (about 1) and said if I wasn't progressing, I wanted the epi....i was still at a 2-3. SO we got the epi, which was a ray of freaking sunshine when you're having off the chart contractions 2 minutes apart. Jamie was freaking amazing with all her techniques we tried before that to decrease pain and get focused. So we continued upping the pitiocin and then got checked about 3 or 4. I was at 5 centimeters (loose) so we felt there was some improvement. I maxed out on the pitocin allowed for VBAC patients, but still wasn't having consistent contractions.
At 7pm they checked me again, still a 5. So, we called the doc. At 8pm doc called me back, told me this was not normal for labor, I should have progressed more. Asked me if I'd consent to a repeat c-section. No one ever made me feel bad for my decision or that it wasn't a choice. So, doc came in, we got prepped for surgery.
Went into the OR and I was feeling pretty good because I trusted Dr. M so much more than the past doc. They got started and I couldn't calm down, had to have anxiety medicine. K was born at 9:16pm weighing 8lbs 3oz and 21 1/4 inches long. Doc stopped and let me look my fill at him before they took him across the room. His apgars were 9 and 9.
At this point, I was convinced that I could feel pain (it was likely just hard pressure) so they gave me more pain meds. Andrew came and sat with K next to me. Surgery went really quick and we were back to the room with Jamie. They took out my epi quickly and then I was allowed to nurse K. He ate on both sides and then I got to watch his first bath. No family came to visit until the next morning so we had the whole night to get to know him. I feel amazing. Feel confident about my birth. People always seem so sad for me, but I'm not.
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