There comes a time in everyone's life where they are faced with decisions that they'd like to do for all the wrong reasons. Changing my lifestyle to be more healthy has been staring me in the face for awhile. But like with most things in anyone's life, we do them for the wrong reasons. Being skinny isn't a reason to lose weight, especially since I've been plus sized most of my adult life. Losing weight to look better for a potential partner isn't a reason to do it, because why worry about the opinions of others about your body. Heck, even getting healthier for the kids isn't a reason to do it, because eventually the kids will move away and your motivation seems like a silly thing.
But yesterday, I was sitting reflecting on my birthday weekend and how much fun I had and what life had brought me so far. I realized that for the first time in a long time that I was happy with much of my life. Sure, I'm single, but that is by choice. Sure, I have occasional financial struggles, but I have a job I like and I can support my kids. Sure, I don't have a lot of friends who live close by, but I have fierce friends who I talk to every day.
However, my health was a little concerning. Sure, I feel okay RIGHT NOW, but how will I feel when I turn 40, when the weight is much harder to lose and my body isn't as easy to get moving. Why am I allowing myself to continue to have pizza 3x a week and eat out way too often when it's both cheaper and tastier to eat at home? Sure, I can keep making excuses for why I ate this or didn't go to the gym, but that's all they are, excuses.
No, I needed to get healthy, for me. To feel better, to look better, to be able to wear that dress and not feel weird or guilty. To be able to take a picture with my kids and not arrange them around me so as to hide my body. To be able to go to the zoo and walk the whole thing and not feel completely exhausted afterward. To be able to meet new people and worry less about how they are reacting to my body. To be able to have goals in my life that don't pertain to work, or to the kids, that are for me and me alone.
So, I'm sitting here today, writing this with four goals in mind. My first goal is to go to the gym 3x a week. Even if at first it's a shorter amount of time, I must make that commitment. My second goal is to lose 2 dress sizes. The weight isn't much a concern for me because it says little about what is actually going on in my body, but dress sizes can be easily measured. My third goal is to complete a food journal on myfitnesspal every day for a month (and hopefully by then it will become a habit). My fourth and final goal (for now) is to stay positive when I have setbacks. I often give up when I have a setback and it just sets me back that much farther. I realize that these goals are fairly small, but the most important part is they are attainable and they are something that will work toward a greater goal. I'm not completely positive what that greater goal is yet, but I'm moving toward it.
I'm writing this all out because I want to be held accountable, mostly to myself and for myself. It's easy to say these things in your head and then never follow through. Much like the time I made a new years resolution to run before church on Sundays and then told the kids during Children's sermon about it. I didn't run every Sunday, but I knew they'd ask me every Sunday and that seemed to motivate me. So, I'm asking all you wonderful folks out there in internet land to hold me accountable. Even if I'm snippy about it, I promise I'm grateful for the love and support.
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